Taylor Swift has a heartbreak song for almost every situation: Romantic relationships ending, friend break-ups, professional betrayal. She has covered all of the bases, never leaving us without a song to soothe our aching hearts — even if some of the song meanings are more ambiguous than others.
With the release of her eleventh album The Tortured Poets Department — and the surprise double-album version, The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology — we decided to rank all of Tay’s breakup tracks based on their ability to ease your pain and ultimately help you move on. Using incredibly scientific criteria, we asked, on a scale of 1–5, how good each song is at …
“I Look In People’s Windows,” The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology
When you’ve suffered a loss, and you feel like you are haunting your own life, this song will keep you company.
Rage Tears: 0
Cathartic scream-singing: 1
Scorched earth: 0
Ex text prevention: 1
Stop the wallowing: 1
TOTAL: 3
“Peter,” The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology
The breakup song for those of us who keep dating Peter Pans (aka people who won’t grow up).
Rage Tears: 1
Cathartic scream-singing: 2
Scorched earth: 1
Ex text prevention: 0.25
Stop the wallowing: 1
TOTAL: 5.25
“Bad Blood,” 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
This is the theme song for the anger phase of grief. It won’t make you feel good, but shouting along to it is a better way to let off steam than gathering your squad to go burn someone’s house down. “Bad Blood” is also solely concerned with big problems that can’t be solved, so it’s a bit one-note in terms of helping you through your heartbreak.
Rage Tears: 0
Cathartic scream-singing: 1
Scorched-earth: 5
Ex text prevention: 0
Stop the wallowing: 0
TOTAL: 6
“Come In With the Rain (Taylor’s Version),” Fearless (Taylor’s Version)
A step closer in the healing direction, but we still have a ways to go. This sophomore-album cut is good if you’re still in the bargaining phase of grief, when you’re hoping maybe they’ll return. To be clear, wanting them back is not a good idea, so you’re keeping the front door closed and the window open; they can come in with the rain.
Rage Tears: 1.25
Cathartic scream-singing: 2
Scorched-earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 0
Stop the wallowing:1
TOTAL: 6.25
“Back to December,” Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)
Oh, so you broke up with them. Got it. Yeah, this is the one for you. (And probably only for you, since the situation is so specific.) I know you feel guilty, but maybe consult some friends and a therapist before you unload on them. Or write a song about it and apologize with a poetic “You gave me roses, and I left them there to die.” That could help too.
Rage Tears: .5
Cathartic scream-singing: 1
Scorched-earth: 0
Ex text prevention: 3
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 6.5
“loml,” The Tortured Poets Department
This simple piano ballad from Taylor’s latest albumis not going to help you move on. But if your heart is still breaking and your favorite tearjerker isn’t working anymore, give“loml” a spin.
Rage Tears: 2.25
Cathartic scream-singing: 0
Scorched earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 1.5
Stop the wallowing: 0
TOTAL: 6.75
“Last Kiss,” Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)
“Last Kiss” is for hurting your own feelings and keeping you submerged in melancholia. But hey, if you can hear the lyrics “So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep / And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe” without hyperventilating into a paper bag, then I’d love to know your superpower. This is heartbreak personified, so don’t expect it to help you move on.
Rage Tears:4
Cathartic scream-singing: 1
Scorched-earth:1
Ex text prevention: 1
Stop the wallowing: 0
TOTAL: 7
“Perfectly Good Heart,” Taylor Swift
For when all you can think is, Why would they want to take your love and tear it all apart? You might not get answers, but at least you’ll have Taylor’s country twang to help you through it.
Rage Tears: 1.5
Cathartic scream-singing: 3
Scorched-earth: 1
Ex text prevention: 1
Stop the wallowing: 1
TOTAL: 7.5
“Don’t You (From the Vault),” Fearless (Taylor’s Version)
Taylor’s diaristic writing is what makes so many of her songs the perfect balm for heartbreak. But they may only work if you’re in the exact same boat as she is. Take “Don’t You.” Sometimes a relationship ends, and you never see the person again. And sometimes you run into them … with their new partner. When you pack your feelings away with the expert skills of a professional moving service and they bubble up anyway, this song’s laundry list of things you don’t want your ex to do anymore will be waiting.
Rage Tears: 1
Cathartic scream-singing: 2
Scorched-earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 1
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 8
“Bye Bye Baby (From the Vault),” Fearless (Taylor’s Version)
Your relationship wasn’t like how it was in the movies, huh? We’ve all been there. So say bye-bye, baby! Then again, the mid-tempo might throw your emotions off; should you be sobbing into a pillow or emphatically performing this for your cat? Taylor has better tracks in her catalogue for both scenarios.
Rage Tears: 1
Cathartic scream-singing: 2
Scorched-earth: 1
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 2.5
TOTAL: 8.5
“The Bolter,” The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology
Do you tend to break up with people to avoid being the one who’s dumped? Congratulations, Taylor has given you a new nickname.
Rage Tears: 0
Cathartic scream-singing: 2.75
Scorched earth: 0
Ex text prevention: 3
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 8.5
“Picture to Burn,” Taylor Swift
This classic from Taylor’s debut perfectly captures the anger and pettiness of a teenager scorned. Throw this one on while you throw away everything they ever touched. Hey, as far as you’re concerned, they’re just another picture to burn.
Rage Tears: 0
Cathartic scream-singing: 2
Scorched-earth: 4
Ex text prevention: 1
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 9
“Midnight Rain,” Midnights
Another track specifically for those who ended the relationship — because you have feelings to process too! Taylor has your back here with lyrics like, “So I peered through a window / A deep portal, time travel / All the love we unravel / And the life I gave away.”
Rage Tears: 2
Cathartic scream-singing: 2
Scorched-earth: 0
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 10
“Should’ve Said No,” Taylor Swift
Heartbreak mantra: Want to tell them everything they should’ve done? Cryptically tweet the lyrics, “You shouldn’t be beggin’ for forgiveness at my feet.” If you’ve recently been cheated on, this song will rank much higher. But it’s not as broadly applicable as the songs higher on the list.
Rage Tears: 1
Cathartic scream-singing: 4
Scorched-earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 1.5
Stop the wallowing: 1
TOTAL: 10.5
“Cold As You,” Taylor Swift
“And you come away with a great little story / of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you” was written for the modern-day passive-aggressive away message, a.k.a posting it to your Instagram Story. They never did give you a damn thing, honey. So just walk away. (Also, this is the lowest ranking of a track five on this list — but you really can never go wrong with a track five.)
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 3
Scorched earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 1
TOTAL: 11
“How Did It End?” The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology
Friends, family, the barista at your favorite coffee shop…everyone wants to know what happened. But no one asks you directly because they’re afraid to. This song will help you get your canned response ready so you can rip off the band-aid and start spreading the breakup news.
Rage Tears: 2.25
Cathartic scream-singing: 1
Scorched earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 3
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 11.25
“Say Don’t Go (From The Vault),” 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
Co-written by Diane Warren, this is a balm for when a relationship has just ended, but you aren’t ready to let go yet.
Rage Tears: 2
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 1
Ex text prevention: 1
Stop the wallowing: 2.5
TOTAL: 11.5
“I Almost Do,” Red (Taylor’s Version)
Here, Taylor muses on all the things the other person must be thinking about. Daydream about them all you want, but protecting your heart is what’s best. This track has a good mix of everything we’re looking for, yet it’s not quite uptempo enough to combat a post-breakup wallow.
Rage Tears: 2
Cathartic scream-singing: 3
Scorched-earth: .5
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 2.5
TOTAL: 12
“So Long, London,” The Tortured Poets Department
Welcome to the anger stage of grief. You’re mad that when you look back at your finished relationship, all you feel is a waste of time and energy. Everywhere you look, the fingerprints of your past love have tarnished other things you once enjoyed.
Rage Tears: 1
Cathartic scream-singing: 2
Scorched earth: 3.25
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 4
TOTAL: 12.25
“Forever and Always,” Fearless (Taylor’s Version)
If it’s raining in your bedroom, you should probably close your window. If the rain is metaphorical, then this classic from Fearless is your soundtrack to closure.
Rage Tears: 1
Cathartic scream-singing: 4.5
Scorched earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 12.5
“Happiness,” evermore
This song recognizes that even after heartbreak, it’s okay to hold onto the happy times. Taylor strays a bit from this path of contented acceptance — “I hope she’ll be a beautiful fool / Who takes my spot next to you” — but immediately walks it back with an apology: “No, I didn’t mean that / Sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury / You haven’t met the new me yet.” If this is your breakup song, you’re clearly a mature and wise person with a 401(k).
Rage Tears: 2
Cathartic scream-singing: 3
Scorched-earth: 0
Ex text prevention: 5
Stop the wallowing: 3.5 (if it weren’t for that last verse, you’d already be there!)
TOTAL: 13
“Down Bad,” The Tortured Poets Department
“Everything comes out teenage petulance.” If that’s how you’re feeling after your breakup, then this is your new go-to song. (And if it isn’t, “Down Bad” is at least paced well enough to provide some low-intensity elliptical action at the gym.)
Rage Tears: 3.25
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 5
Ex text prevention: 0
Stop the wallowing: 0
TOTAL: 13.25
“The Last Time,” feat. Gary Lightbody Red (Taylor’s Version)
Taylor and Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol each ask the other some pertinent unanswered questions. Sure, they don’t get the answers, but sometimes they’re not needed. It’s also one of the few duets on the list, which is both a pro and a con. (Pro: You get both perspectives. Con: You get both perspectives.)
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 3.5
Scorched-earth: 1
Ex text prevention: 3
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 13.5
“My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys, ” The Tortured Poets Department
For when a breakup leavesyou feeling like a toy in the hands of Sid from Toy Story.
Rage Tears: 1
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 4.75
Ex text prevention: 1
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 13.75
“August,” folklore
Living for the hope of it all is enough, even if you know it won’t end the way you want it to. The girl from “august” (the one left behind in the love triangle of songs completed by “betty” and “cardigan”) certainly knows that. She is closing in on acceptance here, so if you’re not there yet, it’s probably not what you’re looking for.
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 4
Scorched-earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 14
“Mr. Perfectly Fine (From the Vault),” Fearless (Taylor’s Version)
For when you want your ex to feel as shitty as you, because they’ve picked another partner, and you’re picking up the pieces. How’s your heart after breaking mine, jerk? “Perfectly Fine” is not going to get those tears flowing or usher in any closure, but it’s fun enough to make you feel a bit better.
Rage Tears: 2
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3.5
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 14.5
“White Horse,” Fearless (Taylor’s Version)
Going through your first breakup? Realizing love might not be the fairy tale you expected? This song is your knight on a white horse, reminding you that things will be okay eventually. Not your first rodeo? Then this isn’t your horse.
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 4
Scorched-earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 2.75
TOTAL: 14.75
“Haunted,” Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)
For when your relationship ends because you’ve found out they’re a ghost.
Rage Tears: 2
Cathartic scream-singing: 4
Scorched-earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 15
“The Black Dog,” The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology
An anthem for an emo kid who just broke up with another emo kid.
Rage Tears: 4
Cathartic scream-singing: 4.25
Scorched earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 15.25
“The Moment I Knew,” Red (Taylor’s Version)
You saw the breakup coming and you braced for impact. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, of course, so here’s a song for the moment you knew it was over but couldn’t fix it.
Rage Tears: 4
Cathartic scream-singing: 3
Scorched-earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 2.5
TOTAL: 15.5
“Now That We Don’t Talk (From The Vault),” 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
What are all the things that annoy you about your ex? Call your mom, have a good vent sesh, and then make a list. Even though you’re hurting, you’ll realize you’re better off.
Rage Tears: 1
Cathartic scream-singing: 4.25
Scorched earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 4.25
Stop the wallowing: 3.25
TOTAL: 15.75
“You All Over Me (From the Vault)” feat. Maren Morris, Fearless (Taylor’s Version)
The line, “But like the dollar in your pocket that’s been spent and traded in / you can’t change where it’s been,” was written to be screamed into a karaoke mic in front of dive-bar patrons who have no idea who you are but will feel bad for you anyway.
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 3
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 16
“Evermore feat. Bon Iver,” evermore
If your anxiety disorder been exacerbated by a breakup — and the voice of said anxiety sounds exactly like Bon Iver — then have I got the song for you! Let Taylor remind you that this pain won’t be for evermore. Don’t have anxiety? Lucky you! Keep scrolling, this is not your song.
Rage Tears: 4.5
Cathartic scream-singing: 4
Scorched-earth: 1
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 16.5
“I Knew You Were Trouble,” Red (Taylor’s Version)
You knew he was bad and you did it anyway? Well, then you’re probably not surprised. But you still have to validate your feelings. Now you have a clearer idea of what you want next time.
Rage Tears: 4
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 4
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 17
“Florida!!!” (feat. Florence + The Machine), The Torture Poets Department
Whether you want to run away to Florida after your relationship ends or not this is your new heartbreak anthem(!!!).
Rage Tears: 3.5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 4.5
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 17
“Sad Beautiful Tragic,” Red (Taylor’s Version)
The title says it all. This is the soundtrack to staring wistfully out of a window and contemplating love lost. If that’s not what you want to do, avoid this one. You won’t be able to stop yourself.
Rage Tears: 4
Cathartic scream-singing: 3.25
Scorched-earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 4
TOTAL: 17.25
“Right Where You Left Me,” evermore
If you’re literally stuck where you were broken up with, dust collecting in your hair, staring blankly at the wall like a Madame Tussaud’s wax figure in your local Olive Garden (why did they have to dump you at Olive Garden?), then please seek help. We’re trying to close, ma’am, and you’ve eaten all the breadsticks.
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3.5
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 2
TOTAL: 17.5
“imgonnagetyouback,” The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology
So you want to get them back but you haven’t decided whether that means “back together” or “seek revenge”? Take a breath during this banger’s four-minute runtime to figure it before taking any drastic action.
Rage Tears: 2
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 4.5
Ex text prevention: 3
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 17.5
“The Story of Us,” Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)
Cue the montage of your first glimpse of post-heartbreak healing. This is the song playing over it, specifically the line, “I’d tell you I miss you but I don’t know how / I’ve never heard silence quite this loud.” Yes, it’s time for your next chapter. But this track gets some points deducted due to its tendency to make you feel like you’re in high school.
Rage Tears: 2.75
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 17.75
“High Infidelity,” Midnights (3 A.M. Edition)
They may be putting their records on and regretting you, but you’re putting your records on and working through it with healthy coping mechanisms (listening to music and crying until your head hurts) and not burning their city to the ground. That’s called arson and it’s illegal.
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 4
Scorched-earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 4
TOTAL: 18
“I Can Do It With A Broken Heart,” The Tortured Poets Department
For when your heart is shattered into a million glittering pieces, but you still have to go to work. Blast this banger, pretend you are Taylor on the Eras Tour, and march yourself to your job.
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 4.25
TOTAL: 18.25
(TIE) “Maroon,” Midnights
“Maroon” is an ideal choice to scream-sing (quietly) at 2 a.m. while everyone is dreaming. The big “insomnia” energy of this one makes it a top track on Midnights, but since it only feels suitable for the middle of the night, it stays in the middle of the pack of this ranking.
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing (quietly): 5
Scorched-earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 5
Stop the wallowing: 3.5
TOTAL: 18.5
(TIE) “The Prophecy,” The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology
When you begin seeing patterns to your heartbreak — like you keep getting dumped over text, or all of your exes steal your bank account information before leaving — you’ll be begging for a way forward. So how do you forge a new path? The answer, according to Taylor, is witchcraft.
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 4
Scorched earth: 3.75
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 3.75
TOTAL: 18.5
“Hits Different,” Midnights (Target Exclusive)
Some breakups just hit differently because of who they are and what you had. Can’t people just understand that? Well, Taylor does. This is the perfect song to sing dramatically while driving by your ex’s house for the 13th time — which is convenient because you can only listen to this song on CD. (It’s 2023; who has a CD player anywhere but their car? Unfortunately, that’s also why this track doesn’t rank higher.)
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 1
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 3.75
TOTAL: 18.75
16. “Coney Island feat. the National,” evermore
Sometimes breaking up is the best decision — even if you end up on a bench wondering where your baby went. For everyone who doesn’t feel bad about the breakup, but still feels that they deserve an anthem, turn to Taylor Swift and Matt Berninger.
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 3
Stop the wallowing: 5
TOTAL: 19
“Babe (From the Vault),” Red (Taylor’s Version)
What about your promises, promises?! Lyrics like, “I break down every time you call / We’re a wreck, you’re the wrecking ball” are clearly about cheating, but this song can apply to any broken promises. The song’s downfall: You’re definitely texting them after listening to it, even if it’s just to give them a piece of your mind.
Rage Tears: 4.25
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 4
Ex text prevention: 2
Stop the wallowing: 4
TOTAL: 19.25
“Dear John,” Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)
It might be tough to apply this one directly to your situation if your ex isn’t named John. But it’s perfect for when it’s been a minute since a tumultuous relationship ended, and now you have some clarity, and you’re mad. This is nearly seven minutes of catharsis (for everyone who isn’t John Mayer).
Rage Tears: 2.5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 5
Ex text prevention 4
Stop the wallowing: 3
TOTAL: 19.5
“The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived,” The Tortured Poets Department
For when all you feel is fiery rage, regret, and hatred, don’t hold back; just let it all out, sweetie.
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 5
Ex text prevention: 1.25
Stop the wallowing: 3.5
TOTAL: 19.75
“You’re Not Sorry” Fearless (Taylor’s Version)
They’re not sorry! It’s not worth it! If this is the last straw for you, but you need that little extra boost of strength to really not pick up the phone the next time they come crawling back, get up on a karaoke stage and belt this one out. You’ll feel better.
Rage Tears: 4
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 3.5
Ex text prevention: 3.5
Stop the wallowing: 4
TOTAL: 20
“Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve,” Midnights (3 A.M. edition)
What do you wish you would’ve, could’ve, should’ve done in the relationship? It was a train wreck, and all you feel now is rage and regret. This Midnights bonus track (though it’s really too good to be a bonus track) is less concerned with tempering your fury than fueling it. It would also be in the top five if listening to it didn’t make you feel more heartbroken for Taylor than yourself.
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 5
Ex text prevention: 5
Stop the wallowing: 0 (there’s no wallowing going on here, just a whole lot of other stuff)
TOTAL: 20
“Getaway Car,” reputation
In my experience, fun songs make the best breakup songs. Something upbeat with a whisper of melancholy is just enough to fit the moment without holding me back from moving on. A getaway car in song form, if you will. But like most Ubers, “Getaway Car” isn’t the best vehicle for wailing and sobbing, keeping it from breaking our top ten.
Rage Tears: 3
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3.25
Ex text prevention: 5
Stop the wallowing: 4
TOTAL: 20.25
“Clean,” 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
When a relationship ends, the pain can be all-consuming, as if it will swallow you whole and you’ll never be yourself again. But one thing Taylor does so well in her best breakup songs is balance heartache with hope. It’s a good reminder that closure is coming, and you’ll be clean someday.
Rage Tears: 3.5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 2
Ex text prevention: 5
Stop the wallowing: 5
TOTAL: 20.5
“Closure,” evermore
The last thing you need after a breakup is the other person refusing to let you be. “I know I’m just a wrinkle in your new life / Staying friends would iron it out so nice.” You don’t need anyone’s closure but your own, baby. “Closure” and “Clean” tie for 11th place because they’re almost two sides of the same coin. Both need closure before you can move on. Together, these songs give you everything you need.
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 3.5
TOTAL: 20.5
“Is It Over Now? (From The Vault),” 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
Some relationships feel more like a hop-on, hop-off bus tour than any real partnership, when the back-and-forth persists for so long that you start to wonder what “being over” even feels like. If you’re asking whether your relationship has ended, sing along to this bop (which should have made the original album).
Rage Tears: 4
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched earth: 4.5
Ex text prevention: 3.25
Stop the wallowing: 4
TOTAL: 20.75
“All You Had to Do Was Stay,” 1989 (Taylor’s Version)
A track five is the emotional epicenter of any Taylor Swift album, so they’re a great place to start looking for breakup-playlist material. Need one you can cry and dance to at the same time? Have you met my friend “All You Had To Do Was Stay”?
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 3
Stop the wallowing: 5
TOTAL: 21
“Exile feat. Bon Iver,” evermore
Taylor Swift’s bridges are so expertly constructed, she should have an honorary civil-engineering degree at this point. The one in “exile” makes your breath stop short. You don’t need to be heartbroken to shed a tear when she and Bon Iver sing two sides of the same story. But ultimately, this song needs a little less wallowing and a little more release to be top five.
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3.75
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 3.5
TOTAL: 21.25
“I Bet You Think About Me (From the Vault)” feat. Chris Stapleton, Red (Taylor’s Version)
A top-tier breakup anthem. This is for your smug era. Specifically, the line, “Mr. Superior-Thinkin’ / Do you have all the space that you need? / I don’t have to be your shrink to know that you’ll never be happy.” Sure, you may be thinking about them, but what matters is that they’re thinking about you.
Rage Tears: 4
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 4
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 4.5
TOTAL: 21.5
“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” Red (Taylor’s Version)
The great thing about this one is it’s upbeat, fun, and feels like an anthem. But it’s more than just a dance party if you need something beyond telling the other person to kick rocks. It’s a rousing battle cry to usher in the new you, and a bona fide Swift classic for a reason.
Rage Tears: 4
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 3
Ex text prevention: 5
Stop the wallowing: 5
TOTAL: 22
“Champagne Problems,” evermore
There’s a reason why Taylor said she wanted to sing this live so people could scream, “She would have made such a lovely bride, what a shame she’s fucked in the head” back at her. This one builds and swells as the emotions keep coming. The message: Breakups are a roller coaster.
Rage Tears: 3.5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 5
Ex text prevention: 5
Stop the wallowing: 4
TOTAL: 22.5
“My Tears Ricochet,” folkore
This song may not be about a romantic breakup — it’s more likely about her business dealings with Scooter Braun — but the energy still fits. “Ricochet” was written for a dramatic main-character moment. “You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same” evokes the life-ending intensity of a dead relationship of any kind. (Taylor Swift isn’t the only one to use funeral imagery in a breakup song, but damn, she does it well.)
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 5
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 4
TOTAL: 23
“All Too Well” and “All Too Well (10-Minute Version) (From the Vault),” Red (Taylor’s Version)
Taylor wrote this one while processing her breakup with (probably) Jake Gyllenhaal. The original — a stream of emotion that emerged while she was rehearsing for her Speak Now tour — and the rerecord are near-perfect heartbreak songs that track the stages of a breakup in extreme detail. Nostalgia, anger, longing, demanding to know if the person remembers things the same way you do, are all present. Both versions contribute to securing the No. 2 spot. The shorter take is nice if you can’t commit to ten minutes, but the longer one really lets you reap the full benefits of its gut-wrenching lyrics and visceral imagery.
Rage Tears: 4.5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 5 (moreso the ten-minute version)
Ex text prevention: 4
Stop the wallowing: 5
TOTAL: 23.5
“Better Man (From the Vault),” Red (Taylor’s Version)
It amazes me the queen of heartbreak songs initially skipped this one. Taylor wrote it while working on Red in 2012. But instead of locking it in the vault, she passed it on to country quartet Little Big Town. Thankfully, she recorded her own take for Red (Taylor’s Version). There’s so much feeling packed into this one, it’s almost impossible to listen to it without feeling heartbroken yourself (if you weren’t already, which could be a problem). It’s one of the best in her catalogue.
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 5
Ex text prevention 4.5
Stop the wallowing: 4.25
TOTAL: 23.75
“Death by a Thousand Cuts,” Lover
Funny how a near-perfect breakup track is on an album called Lover. This one has a bit of everything: It’s uptempo, so it won’t throw you into a complete depression spiral if you listen to it on repeat; it has Taylor’s signature vivid imagery (“I look through the windows of this love / even though we boarded them up / Chandelier’s still flickering here / ’cause I can’t pretend it’s okay when it’s not”); and the bridge is perfect for screaming your heart out. This is a song that provides solidarity when you’re unsure if you’ll be all right. (You will be, but right now it stings like lemon juice on 1,000 paper cuts.) Taylor even asks the traffic lights for help (they give her a noncommittal answer, which makes sense; they’re traffic lights). But maybe she gave us this song so we can ask her the same question and get a firm answer return. Which is: Yes, you absolutely will be okay.
Rage Tears: 5
Cathartic scream-singing: 5
Scorched-earth: 4
Ex text prevention: 5
Stop the wallowing: 5
TOTAL: 24
Honorable Mentions
These three songs aren’t technically breakup songs. But they are breakup-adjacent, or at least have lines that will speak to someone who just left a relationship.
“Cornelia Street,” Lover
There are moments when you think you’ve lost something, and you realize just how much it would break you if you did. Maybe your relationship almost ended, or maybe it did and you’re back together but you’re still unsure of its stability. Scream-sing about how you don’t want to lose them to help you through.
“New Year’s Day,” reputation
This is a sweet love song, until you get to the end. It’s still a love song, but this is where the insecurity and desperation start to creep in. You love someone so much, your worst fear is you won’t have them anymore.
“Bejeweled,” Midnights
Finally. You’re over it. Your heart feels whole again, and you have remembered that you are defined by the things you love. Whatever happened is in the past and you have your confidence back. Put this on, hold your head high, and make the whole damn place shimmer.
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Erin Browne , 2024-04-21 20:00:00
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