Debuting as a new Housewife is never easy — imagine being launched into a hypervisible gauntlet and having to carve out a space for yourself among a seasoned cast while your life and public persona get parsed by bloggers, podcasts, and Bravo enthusiasts. Nneka Ihim got a crash course in this dynamic during her freshman season on Real Housewives of Potomac, navigating not only the show’s long-standing cast divisions but the ardent opinions of viewers as she worked to find her footing.
“It was hard at first, because I’m trying to catch up on what has actually happened,” Ihim admits. Joining a cast that includes four members who have been essential to the series since it premiered, Ihim was immediately thrust into RHOP’s established world of very vocal women who will not hesitate to detail their issues and conflicts. And in short order, she got her first brush with a conflict of her very own, participating in a season-long dispute with fellow Nigerian American castmate Wendy Osefo.
With Osefo having to address claims of her mother engaging in witchcraft at a shrine, the fracas raised sensitivities around the delicate inter-ethnic dynamics among Igbo Nigerians and highlighted the difficulty of translating nuanced cultural conversations to a mainstream audience. Though she joined the show with the aim of showcasing her strong family ties and Maryland’s prominent Nigerian community, Ihim spent much of her first season navigating backlash for seemingly sensationalizing a complex issue. It’s a conflict that Ihim admits she could have handled differently with the benefit of hindsight, while still maintaining her version of events. “There were missed opportunities on both parts to effectively communicate,” she stresses.
Vulture spoke with the Bravo newcomer in the week leading up to her first reunion; she was finalizing her dress, which she had customized by a Nigerian designer in Lagos. “There’s a bit of pressure because the first reunion, you want to make sure your look is together,” she says. “I’m just looking forward to everyone fleshing out their story lines a bit more, and also answering whatever questions come my way.”
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
This is your first season on Potomac, a show with a very loyal fan base. What was it like to watch people react to what you filmed last spring?
Filming it was kind of a rush. I’m new to the Potomac area. My husband is a Baltimore native, in a sense — he moved here from Nigeria at 14. I already had a fully established life in L.A. as a litigation attorney, so transitioning into Maryland, meeting a new circle of friends, and getting acclimated into the community, it was a lot at one time.
The fandom is something I wasn’t necessarily prepared about, but I do accept feedback, and I think it’s a good opportunity to learn about myself. Surface-level things, I don’t really take that seriously — I’m more about building myself and continuing to show my authenticity.
You’ve mentioned that you’d been in conversations with Bravo for a couple of years. Did you always know you wanted to come to Potomac?
I had been in contact with Bravo for a different show. A producer reached out to my husband to get to know us and see if we’re suitable for that cast. I do like reality TV in general — my husband and I have worked hard, so we knew that we had the lifestyle that these shows lend themselves to and people want to see. We’re an open book as a couple, so we were open to sharing our life and being transparent with others. And I understand that sometimes moments aren’t so great and other moments can be amazing.
Did you have preexisting relationships with any other women before the show?
The show introduced me as Ashley’s friend, and we do have a connection through her friend Ngozi — we’re both Nigerians in the DMV area. I got to know Ashley a lot closer at that time, because it was just a simple introduction. I also had a mutual connection where my in-law was friends with another castmate. [Ihim’s cousin-in-law, Lebe, was formerly family friends with Wendy Osefo and her sister.]
When it came to the cast, those relationships built very fast. All of us live about 30 minutes from each other — I was just talking to Ashley yesterday. Charrisse not living too far from me is convenient; I can call last-minute and be like, Hey, let’s get lunch. But it’s not proximity, I think it’s maturity, we enjoy each other’s company. We really are genuinely having a normal friendship.
Were you expecting to have to defend yourself as fans came to their own conclusions about things that happened throughout the season?
I find constructive comments incredibly valuable. I don’t really dwell on anything that’s negative. I value people’s opinions, but I don’t really go online and fight battles or overly explain myself because you’re always going to enter a space where people believe what they want to believe. I think at the reunion, people can get a chance to see more of me and hear what I have to say, but I don’t know that social media is an effective way to litigate or try to prove your point.
Production and the network tried to prep me, and all the girls were incredibly supportive. Gizelle actually called me for the first several weeks we started airing, just to make sure that I was okay. Mia was like, Girl, just don’t have your alerts on, stay offline, make sure you take care of yourself. Ashley was calling me regularly to check in, Charrisse was regularly making sure I was okay. Karen also regularly texted and called to check in on me and lend her support as I’m entering this reality TV world, too. You don’t know what it’s like until you’re in it, but they tried to prep me for the madness.
You did end up having a season-long conflict with Wendy. How has it been to watch the reaction to it play out publicly?
Watching it back as a regular viewer, I definitely see some places where things could have been approached differently. I feel like in life, you can have the same conversation in a different tone, and I feel like there were missed opportunities on both parts to effectively communicate.
Can you appreciate the perspective that there’s a stigma associated with the nature of the conversation? For a lot of viewers, the second that you said, “Your mother’s a witch,” it set things in a different direction.
Everything that people are saying is completely valid. Until people really know how things transpired and how serious things were, they’re left to just have an opinion based on what they’ve seen, you know? I think the reunion will be a very important time for people to gain more understanding. I can definitely agree that the topic was incredibly sensitive. If someone can be taken aback by hearing it, or watching it on TV, you can imagine how I could feel being the target of it and living it. I do feel horrible that this is something that played out on TV, but again, it’s very real.
What do you think is the major obstacle to being able to reconcile and progress?
I feel like I’ve jumped through hoops to try to have a productive conversation about issues that are very sensitive to me and her as well. I approached the attempt for reconciliation very genuinely and openhearted — even today, I’m really okay with moving forward. I would love to see where things got lost. I unfortunately think it’s a lack of desire to move on. I’m okay with moving on from her, moving on with her, and moving forward, but I don’t think there’s a desire on her end. I don’t believe it’s a priority. Some people just have difficulty taking ownership or being transparent. I’ve done the best I could and that’s where I am.
There’s been a lingering conversation about colorism on the show — it’s been brought up by other cast members and they’ve had to address it in previous season reunions. As a brown-skinned woman that’s new to the show, do you understand that perspective?
I’m new, so I’m operating from a different lens. I see chatter online, but I haven’t witnessed it. It’s an important issue, and I’m glad that these conversations are being had, but I can’t personally say.
You were going through your fertility journey as you were filming, and talked about it a little bit with Candiace, who is going through her own journey. What was it like to document that on TV?
I don’t think I realized how emotional and how physically taxing it is. I had a lot of frustration with not having answers, and trying to figure out why I’m perfectly healthy but can’t conceive. It’s halfway embarrassing; it took a second for me to just be okay with it. You’re on so many drugs, and so many hormones — I’ve gained 25 or 30 pounds now, and I feel very much on edge sometimes. I’ve had the greatest support from my mom, my sister, and my husband, of course. He has really taken a step back to being patient with me, instead of being a doctor as well, and also comforting me through the process.
Candiace has been really supportive and shared a lot of information and resources with me. We’ve always had really great interactions, but it’s helped me to see her in a different light now in the past couple of months.
You’ve also been building relationships with other Bravolebrities — we’ve seen you in Dubai with Chanel Ayan, and in Nigeria with the ladies of Real Housewives of Lagos. How has it been to interact with other women who have gone through similar experiences, especially Black women in the same space as you?
I love those ladies, and a whole list of others — Phaedra and Toya from Married to Medicine — they have become really great friends. This is such a strange world that only these types of people can get it. Chanel actually called me yesterday morning, and I just talked to Phaedra three days ago. I’m so glad to have these Bravo sisters, because it really truly is a sisterhood. They understand the pressure of what we’re going through, the relationships, the social-media craze, and the necessity of mental health.
Are there any takeaways that you would share with someone entertaining the idea of being on reality TV?
The best thing to always do is lead with authenticity. I would also say stay offline, because a lot of people online truly don’t know what they’re talking about, and you can easily frustrate yourself by reading things that are not constructive and incredibly unhelpful for you. Make sure you have proper mental-health practices and focus on improving yourself and elevating your life. If you’re fabulous, they’re always gonna come after you.
By Shamira Ibrahim , 2024-03-29 18:40:28
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