It’s a beautiful new morning on the St. David, and Captain Kerry’s attention to detail is as impressive as ever. He scolds Kyle for a drain cover left out — god forbid the guests see it and are reminded they’re on a boat.
Last week’s cliffhanger is resolved: Eileen seems fine and didn’t die in her sleep from a concussion. Kerry wisely has the crew put Eileen on watch for the rest of the charter. He then casually tells us how he once duct-taped a guest to their bed, which actually seems less humiliating than having your drunken discoordination shown on TV the number of times they’ve replayed Eileen’s fall.
At breakfast, primary Tina wears a T-shirt that boldly says, “She can.” What does this mean? Sadly, I don’t have much time to ponder it because the guests change into new custom shirts for their volleyball game. It’s Chicago (Illinois) vs. the Crop Tops (Iowa), and the latter’s shirts aren’t crop tops. Why make the pun if you were going to wear normal tank tops?
Fraser and Jared round out the teams and are spared the shirts but do have to wear pink sweatbands. The music and slo-mo get very intense for the final point, and I suddenly feel like a sports reporter. Chicago wins 21-19 in a nail-biter, not that we care. After his team loses, Jared again tries and fails to get cell service to talk to his daughter. She probably would’ve loved his sweatbands. The poor guy cannot catch a break.
And the sports coverage isn’t over yet! Kerry thinks the solution to Cat’s fitting-in problems will be electric surfing using his eFoil. This is misguided for two reasons: (1) the last time I saw someone e-surfing, it was Mark Zuckerberg getting ridiculed by the whole internet, and (2) coworkers tend to dislike it when the boss shows favoritism, even if your “therapy is salt water.” Of course, Cat’s special break annoys Barbie. For once, Barbie stays chill about it.
Barbie claims she respects Fraser and wants to get along, but she can’t help but make passive-aggressive comments. Fraser even compliments her vaguely Italian tablescape. She lets a barb (pun intended) slip: “I’m used to having a chief stew who tells me [what to do].” Fraser starts having war flashbacks to Camille and gossips to Anthony about the situation, gunning again for Barbie to leave. Barbie may have an attitude, but it seems like her work ethic will protect her from getting fired.
Is Barbie the main character of this season? Time will tell, but she definitely feels like the lead of this episode. She has drama with her boss AND a love triangle. Well, now it’s more of a love line plus a dot off to the side that wishes it was part of the triangle. In case that was unclear, the dot is Jared. Jared thinks he’s flirting with Barbie because she’s a pretty human woman who is talking to him normally.
As for the Italian dinner, the guests love Anthony’s cooking. And I love that he’s self-aware enough to call himself a little French guido. Tonight, he moved on from beet cappuccino to mushroom cappuccino with foie gras. Tina raves that she didn’t think something in a glass could be so good. In the last episode, I was starting to think her anti-glass stance was responsible because her friends kept breaking glass, whether in cup or door form. But after that comment it seems like she just really loves the flavor of microplastics and BPA.
At dinner, we also learned that before yachting, Barbie sold golf balls, hair straighteners, and finance on Wall Street in the Trump building. I’m not sure if the guests’ blank looks and “Okay, yeah” response is because they don’t want to talk politicssxzz or if they’re as confused as I am about what “selling finance” means. Did Barbie sell stocks? Bonds? The vague concept of money? Was she in a pyramid scheme?
Xandi tells Cat that of the guys on the boat, Fraser is most her type. Girl. She also reveals she’s divorced, and her dad had an affair with her ex-husband’s mom. Which is not as horrible as Anthony’s uncle having an affair with his wife, but what is up with this crew’s family members?!
Speaking of family, it’s the two-year anniversary of Anthony’s dad’s death. Fraser especially feels for Anthony because his dad is a cancer survivor. I really like their friendship. If anyone makes Anthony’s day harder today, we riot. He says opening a restaurant in Miami was his and his dad’s dream. Hopefully, he fulfills it, and I will be first in line to try whatever vegetable cappuccino he’s serving.
As St. David prepares to dock, Jared is a mess: he’s on the wrong side of the boat, still doesn’t know a meter is basically a yard, and has to scramble to get a bolster down when they’re only a meter away from the dock. Miraculously, the boat doesn’t crash. Jared felt great about it, completely unaware that he was giving everyone else an anxiety attack. Kerry calls him in for a chat and tries to explain what he needs, hopefully getting through to Jared this time, who says it’s “crystal clear.” Let’s hope that crystal wasn’t cleaned by Cat.
The guests were blissfully unaware of the near-crash and tip a generous $26,000. As they leave, Tina says “we’ll be back” which feels more like a threat than a compliment.
Kerry thinks Sunny has been doing a great job and has her practice driving the tender. Ben gives her a lesson, and she says she wants to become a bosun. I wonder if this is foreshadowing that Jared’s position will open up, but as lead deckhand, Ben would have seniority for that. They seem really into each other but are not yet a strong enough couple to handle any crew change-ups that may come.
To start their night off, the girls and boys separate. Did Barbie suggest a girls’ night just to avoid Fraser? Maybe. Everyone is revealing their red flags: Kyle started smoking at 12 years old. Jared is an angry drunk at 7:30 p.m. And Barbie is actually still legally married and friends with her ex/technically current husband. She claims they simply haven’t felt like going through the paperwork.
When the girls and boys meet up, Barbie tells Kyle he has “hot vibes” so it seems like Jared may get the hint. Meanwhile, Cat uses time in which she could be bonding with her coworkers to instead call a friend to discuss how she’s not vibing with the rest of the crew. Shockingly, e-surfing with the boss didn’t help.
Some of the group continues the party back in the boat’s hot tub, where Ben kisses Sunny, and Kyle kisses his tobacco pipe. They’re too loud, accidentally waking up Captain Kerry, who’s trying to sleep. This prompts Ben and Sunny to take things to the shower. Ben says he’s not ashamed to be caught with his pants down, but technically, he is not wearing any pants, only a towel. Sunny and Ben cuddle in bed.
At the hot tub, Jared, Barbie, and Kyle are left cleaning up. Barbie and Kyle make plans to watch “Home Alone or something boring.” (I must defend that Home Alone is not boring!) Jared notices Kyle spills some tobacco, and they both clean it up. Jared’s frustrated he can’t properly clean it because the deck is wet, but I find it hard to believe this boat doesn’t have a wet vac. He makes a big deal of being mad about the mess, which is a flimsy cover for being mad that Barbie is into Kyle.
Jared continues cleaning alone, then brings Kyle’s tobacco pouch down to him in Barbie’s room. Jared goes to his own room but can’t let it go and returns to Barbie’s unannounced. Thankfully he doesn’t walk in on anything because Barbie is practically edging Kyle, cleaning up her room while he waits on the bed. Jared asks Kyle to make sure there’s no more tobacco on the deck. Kyle says he’ll do it in a few hours when he’s up at 4 a.m. Drunk Jared wanders around the deck, cleaning and muttering.
Jared returns a third time and pulls mid-toothbrushing Kyle for a chat. He claims the reason he pulled Kyle aside to tell him to clean up is because “I don’t wanna do that in front of other people,” when we all know the reason is “I didn’t want you and Barbie in a room together.” Barbie, ever the hard worker, does her laundry in the background of this conversation. Kerry comes down, angry, because he can hear them two decks up. Will this be Jared’s undoing?
Emma Soren , 2024-03-12 02:00:24
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