I lost hours I could’ve been watching The Traitors on Reesa Teesa’s 50-part TikTok series, so it’s Hollywood’s turn. The viral ten-hour video saga — told in ten-minute increments titled “Who TF Did I Marry” — is a detailed chronological account of Teresa McCoy’s marriage to and subsequent split from a man whose entire life, it appears, is a lie. Teesa teases the story of her relationship with “Legion,” real name Jerome McCoy, per divorce filings, with impressive specificity, noting which freeway she took to their first date, listing all the fabricated people in his life, and even directing the viewer back to previous videos when she’s about to reference and expose one of his lies. It’s TikTok’s Zola — a modern storyteller breaking out on an app full of outlandish personal anecdotes, featuring an eclectic ensemble cast of characters.
The story has already grown and is writing itself, with Legion responding to Teesa’s videos and his previous ex-wife telling TikTok her side of the story. Now all we need is to hear from the people Legion pretended to talk to on the phone or fabricated for the six months of his marriage to Teesa: an ex-wife who encourages Teesa to trust her gut; Scott, the first Realtor Legion uses to convince her he had substantial savings; Amber, a Realtor who, whether she knows it or not, inspired Teesa to question Legion; the pastor and wife they sought counseling from; the fake brothers he introduced her to who no longer mess with him; and the real family members she eventually gets the truth from, a cousin and his actual brother.
The cautionary tale Catfish has been trying to tell us for eight seasons has already captured millions of viewers on TikTok — even more by word of mouth — so presumably half of Hollywood is trying to figure out how to capitalize off it. (The other half is working on Mattel movies.) But like any good adaptation, it’s not just about the dream cast, it’s about the vision. Below, all the prestige possibilities for Who TF Did I Marry? season one and whether or not they’d actually come to life. Yes, I’m available for treatments and pitch decks.
A24
Open on pre-pandemic 2020: Reesa Teesa, played by Regina Hall (I don’t care, she’s ageless), is driving down the Atlanta highway vibing to TLC when her tire pops. She calls Jesus out by his name, pulls into a gas station, and starts to handle it, but first she has to cancel her date with this guy she met on a dating site. “Drop your pin,” he’ll respond. One of the Safdie brothers will cut to Brian Tyree Henry playing Legion, already on his way to meet her. He’s desperate to make this work. It cuts to them living together two and a half weeks later; the camera lingers on a mirror in her house as Legion talks “on the phone” with his “brother.”
Notable Cast:Nicole Beharie as the Ex-Wife, Benny Safdie as Real Scott, Greta Lee as Amber the Realtor, Ayo Edebiri as the Real Cousin, André Benjamin as the Real Brother, Jharrel Jerome as a Fake Brother.
Greenlit? As long as Plan B Entertainment forks over the cash to shut down Interstate 285 by the Bouldercrest exit.
HBO
Images of arena football, paperwork, proof of funds, a BMW with cognac interior, and all the other red flags flash in the cryptic credits for Issa Lopez’s True Detective: Legion (which is obviously set to a down-tempo remix of Megan Thee Stallion’s “Not Nice.”) Da’Vine Joy Randolph balances levity with tragedy as the timeline bounces from the ceaseless grief of the pandemic, a miscarriage, and supposed deaths in Legion’s family to her 2024 retelling where the trauma is behind her, but the drama from airing it out online has yet to come. In a new move, the TikTok comment section will be one of the season’s titular investigators. Leon Thomas III goes for an Emmy to match his new Grammy as Legion, while also contributing to the OST, executive-produced by Questlove.
Notable Cast: Natasha Rothwell as the Ex-Wife, Arturo Castro as Real Scott, Isiah Whitlock Jr. as the Pastor, Zosia Mamet as Amber the Realtor, Gabrielle Dennis as the Real Cousin, Audra McDonald as the Fake Aunt, Trevante Rhodes as the Real Brother, Kid Cudi and Bob the Drag Queen (in or out of drag) as the Fake Brothers.
Greenlit?The True Detective season-four showrunner just inked an overall deal on February 22, but the suits are too afraid a true-crime season based on TikTok would piss Nic Pizzolatto off.
Netflix
Ryan Murphy’s Legion — Monster: The Unabridged Story is not lengthy just in title. It will also be released in multiple parts, assuming Netflix doubles down on its current strategy. Murphy takes the reins to turn out a sleek thriller where stealthy Legion, played by Winston Duke, blinds humble, hopeful Keke Palmer as Teesa with promises of a worry-free life of luxury. The more outrageous the lie, the more darkness seems to seep into her humble reality — and this is a God-fearing woman! The popped tire, miscarriage, and canceled home offers play out like omens. And why does it seem like everyone they encounter is trying to warn her? She starts to question why he wears work boots as a company vice-president, why he won’t show proof of funds for an “offshore” account, and why the university he claims to have attended doesn’t know him. “Whatever he said to you,” the ex-wife, played by Adina Porter, will say, ending part one, “it’s a lie.”
Notable Cast: Adina Porteras the Ex-Wife, Billy Eichner as Real Scott, Angela Bassett as the Pastor’s Wife, Kim Kardashian as Amber the Realtor, Quinta Brunson as the Real Cousin, Niecy Nash as the Fake Auntie.
Greenlit? Nobody says “No” to Ryan Murphy and 100 of his closest friends. Except Keke Palmer, who pulls out at the last minute to star in a remake of Waiting to Exhale. Tabloids will say it’s a feud between the two Bernadines, but really, Netflix just couldn’t afford them both.
Prime
Donald Glover enlists celebrity offspring to play the wide array of peripheral characters who eventually expose the truth to Teesa, the indomitable Dominique Fishback. Just as Teesa starts to unravel the lies, an episode written by Malia Obama is dedicated to a normal day in the life of Legion’s real-life brother (guest star Khris Davis), unbothered in Philly because he hasn’t actually spoken to Legion in years. The episode ends on a scene where Glover plays both sides of Legion’s imaginary phone calls with his brother, the other siblings he made up, and even the Realtor named Scott he made up. A slow zoom onto Glover as he shifts from personality to personality, then back to Legion, is poised to go viral.
Notable Cast? Zazie Beetz as the Ex-Wife, Jack Quaid as Real Scott, Riley Keough as Amber the Realtor, SZA as the Real Cousin, O’Shea Jackson Jr. as the Real Brother, Loretta Devine as the Fake Auntie, Zack Fox and Rickey Thompson as the Fake Brothers.
Greenlit?Yes, but Donald Glover gets distracted studying pipa for an instrumental Childish Gambino comeback during postproduction and the show gets edited down to four measly episodes that don’t even mention the Powerade bottles full of pee Teesa finds while kicking Legion out. A new internet is born out of fan campaigns for the #PissCut.
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Zoë Haylock , 2024-02-23 23:14:09
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