Is The Tortured Poets Department Really About Matty Healy?

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Taylor Swift is one of the few people brave enough to admit that a three-month-long situationship will fuck you up more than a six-year-long relationship. It’s girl math but for romance. Ever since Swift announced her latest album, The Tortured Poets Department, at the Grammys in February, Joe Alwyn and his team have likely been bracing themselves for the worst. From the cheating rumors to the “it’s joever” tweets, and that “Tortured Man Club” group chat with Paul Mescal — wasn’t that the whole thing? But now that the album’s out, maybe the armor should’ve been sent to a different address in London. A lot of the songs on Tortured Poets allude to Swift’s relationship with The 1975 frontman and controversy magnet Matty Healy. In December 2022, Healy captioned a photo of himself kissing Phoebe Bridgers with Bo Burnham as “Gay Poets Society.” Is this new album just a mash-up of the two relationships? Or was one muse more productive in the studio than the other? We looked at all the evidence presented to figure out who actually inspired the albums— yes PLURAL, the double-album theory is actually real — and is the most tortured artist.

1. Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)

What do the lyrics say?

All my mornings are Mondays

Stuck in an endless February

I took the miracle move-on-drug

The effects were temporary

Alwyn and Swift potentially split in February 2023, a few months before the official breakup announcement in April 2023.

Who’s it about?
Inconclusive. There’s way too much talk of husbands, wives, and cheating, so it’s probably one of Swift’s fictional-storytelling tracks, with some inspiration from her own heartbreaks.

2. The Tortured Poets Department

What do the lyrics say?

You left your typewriter at my apartment

Straight from the Tortured Poets Department

Matty Healy was seen leaving Swift’s apartment during their romance, so maybe he forgot his typewriter there at some point.

But you’re in self-sabotage mode

Throwing spikes down on the road

But I’ve seen this episode

And still loved the show

They were rumored to have had a “flirtation” during the 1989 era (his words), so he could have pulling the same strings from ten years ago. Especially since he talked about not understanding her fame, ouch.

You smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate

We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist

I scratch your head you fall asleep

Like a tattooed golden retriever

Matty smokes, has tattoos, and probably eats chocolate (he has a song called “Chocolate”). As for whether or not he’s a Charlie Puth stan … Puth did cover the 1975’s “Somebody Else.” They know of each other, at the least.

Sometimes I wonder if you’re going to screw this up with me

But you tell Lucy you’d kill yourself if I ever leave

And I had said that to Jack about you so I felt seen

Everyone we know understands

Why it’s meant to be

’Cause we’re … crazy.

Put a bag of chips on their heads! These two love birds are willing to Romeo and Juliet themselves. If we’re still on the Matty theory, he probably told Lucy Dacus while she was performing with Phoebe Bridgers on the Eras Tour over the summer (Matty played guitar on a few stops including Nashville). Jack is most likely Swift’s favorite producer and best friend forever, Jack Antonoff.

“You’re not Dylan Thomas.

I’m not Patti Smith.

This ain’t the Chelsea Hotel”

Poet Dylan Thomas and singer Patti Smith both lived at the Chelsea Hotel at different times of their lives (Thomas died when Smith was 7.) Thomas is a … tortured poet who died from alcoholism and Smith is a multihyphenate writer who’s dabbled in music, poetry, book-writing, and much more.

Who’s it about?
Congrats, Mr. Healy. The title track is about you. Here, have a cigarette.

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

What do the lyrics say?

Called the rain to end our days of wild

The sickest army doll

Purchased at the mall

Ok, no one really knows how Swift and Alwyn broke up, just that they did. Some people speculate it was an email from Swift that ended their six-year relationship. However, there’s been no evidence of that in the lyrics. Plus, Alwyn’s feature debut was playing a U.S. army solider in Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk.

Just say when, I’ll play again

He was my best friend

I really don’t think Matty Healy would be considered Swift’s best friend.

Down at the sandlot

I felt more when we played pretend

Than with all the Kens

This might be alluding to the end of her and Alwyn’s relationship during the Midnights era, when they were spotted with a notebook just days before the album’s release.

’Cause he took me out of my box

Stole my tortured heart

Healy was Swift’s rebound post-Alwyn, taking her tortured heart and torturing it even more. That’s what situationships do to you.

Who’s it about?
Seems like it’s mostly Alwyn with a hint of Healy, but we’re giving it to Joe.

4. Down Bad

What do the lyrics say?

I loved your hostile takeovers

Encounters closer and closer

All your indecent exposures

Every time Healy opens his mouth, it must cause some anxiety, from saying something racist about Ice Spice to annoying Lucy Dacus. “Indecent exposures” is probably the nicest way to put it.

Like I lost my twin

Fuck it if I can’t have him

Down bad

Down bad

Waving at the ship

Fuck it if I can’t have him

This might be about Alwyn. Admittedly, they do look alike and this might be a reference to Titanic, when Jack was waving on the ship leaving England for good.

Who’s it about?
It’s a tie, now kiss :-).

5. So Long London

What do the lyrics say?

I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist

I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift

Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away

Speaking of the Brits (and Titanic), the imagery reflects “Dancing with our hands tied,” a Reputation Alwyn-inspired track.

I didn’t opt in to be your odd man out

I founded the club she’s heard great things about

I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath

I stopped CPR, after all it’s no use

Is this a slight diss and/or hint that Alwyn might’ve moved on as well? Heath is also shrubland usually found in Great Britain.

The spirit was gone, we would never come to

And I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free

Swift dated Alwyn for most of her 20s — she should’ve been at the club.

Every day old love affair

Every breath feels like rarest air

When you’re not sure if he wants to be there

Alwyn was neither a fan of talking about Swift publicly, nor attending any of her events (they went to a post MTV Video Music Awards party where he was seen not letting her be bejeweled, a.k.a dragging her into a car).

So how much sad did you think I had,

Did you think I had in me?

How much tragedy?

“Joe and I really love sad songs,” Swift told Zane Lowe in 2020.

I died on the altar waiting for the proof

“Lavender Haze” might’ve just been Swift telling herself she didn’t need to be married but it was what she wanted from Alwyn.

Who’s it about?

Joe, for sure.

6. But Daddy I Love Him

What do the lyrics say?

Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best

Clutching their pearls, sighing, “What a mess”

“I’ve just never been this happy in my life, in all aspects of my life, ever before … It’s not just the tour. I just sort of feel like my life finally feels like it makes sense,” Swift said at her Foxborough show, causing some fancy New England mommies to cringe once they realized who she was talking about.

I’m having his baby,

No, I’m not, but you should see your faces

I’m telling him to floor it through the fences,

No, I’m not coming to my senses

I know he’s crazy, but he’s the one I want

Another Eras Tour Easter egg about Mr. Healy. “This one is about you. You know who you are. I love you,” whispered Swift during “Cardigan,” echoing the same words Healy said at a concert days prior.

Scandal does funny things to pride

But brings lovers closer

We came back when the heat died down

Went to my parents and they came around

All the wine moms are still holding out

But fuck ‘em. It’s over.

Fans wrote an open letter to Swift asking her to break up with Healy, but she held strong and told them to shut up.

Now I’m dancing in my dress in the sun and

Even my daddy just loves him

Eventually, Swift’s parents must’ve accepted the relationship since Papa Swift was hanging with Healy in the booth in Philly.

Who’s it about?
We are batting for Matty.

7. Fresh Out the Slammer

What do the lyrics say?

Fresh out the slammer

I know who my first call will be to …

Healy was her rebound, post-Joe.

Another summer, taking cover

Rolling thunder, he don’t understand me

Splintered back in winter

Silent dinners, bitter

He was with her in dreams

Swift and Alwyn might’ve had a rough winter, especially if she was thinking about Healy.

Camera flashes, welcome bashes

Get the matches, toss the ashes off the ledge

Swift, Healy, and their chaperone Jack Antonoff were spotted at the members-only in New York, Casa Cipriani. Plus, the couple was seen a bunch leaving Electric Lady Studios.

We still wait up in that porchlight gleams

To the one who says I’m the girl of his American dreams

Both Alwyn and Healy are Brits, but most of the song takes place after their breakup so this sounds like Healy’s (rumored) love bombing. Plus, the 1975 has a song called “She’s American,” released a few years after they first met.

And no matter what I’ve done it wouldn’t matter anyway

Ain’t no way I’m gonna screw up now that I know what’s at stake here

At the park where we used to sit on children’s swings

Wearing imaginary rings

But it’s gonna be alright, I did my time

“Children’s swings” might allude to their flirtationship that happened when they were both 25. Their frontal lobes were barely fully developed so they were basically children.

Who’s it about?
Another for the Heal-ster.

8. Florida!!!

What do the lyrics say?

Well me and my ghost, we had a hell of a time

Yes I’m haunted, but I’m feeling just fine

Echoing a similar sentiment to Speak Now’s “Haunted,” Swift is still hanging with ghosts. But this time, she sounds at peace with it — sort of like here breakup with Alwyn.

Florida!!!

Is one hell of a drug

Florida!!!

Can I use you up?

Swift’s first show post-breakup announcement was in Florida, where she changed the setlist from “invisible string” to “the one” during the Folklore set. Burying the nonexistent rope in Florida is a hell of a drug.

Who’s it about?
Swift explained to iHeartRadio that the song was partially inspired by criminals on Dateline who escape to Florida after they’ve committed a crime. And what better place for a brokenhearted person to escape? “I think when you go through a heartbreak there’s a part of you that thinks, I want a new name, I want a new life, I don’t want anyone to know where I’ve been or know me at all, and that was kind of what that was,” she explained. But who was she brokenhearted about? Alwyn, Alwyn, Alwyn.

9. Guilty As Sin?

What do the lyrics say?

This cage was once just fine

Am I allowed to cry?

Swift was content with her privacy with Alwyn for a good long while. I mean, she confided herself to house arrest for almost a year after the KimYe drama. But maybe once she healed, she wanted a more public life again.

Am I bad? Or mad? Or wise?

What if he’s written “mine” on my upper thigh only in my mind?

Emotional cheating, let’s goooo! Swift surprised fans at the 1975’s concert at the O2 Arena in London in early January 2023, when she was presumably still with Alwyn. Is this where the seeds were replanted?

Someone told me

There’s no such thing as bad thoughts,

Only your actions talk

These fatal fantasies

Giving way to labored breath

If you only think about cheating, that’s okay as long as you don’t do it. Right? Right???

Who’s it about?
This track is about Swift feeling bad for fantasizing about Matty while she was with Joe, so they both get shared custody of this track.

10. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?

What do the lyrics say?

The scandal was contained,

The bullet had just grazed

At all costs, keep your good name

Swift thinks she got out alive after the Healy backlash.

I want to snarl and show you

just how disturbed this has made me

You wouldn’t last an hour

In the asylum where they raised me

So all you kids can sneak into my house, with all the cobwebs

I’m always drunk on my own tears

Isn’t that what they all said?

Is this about her fans? Or at least the ones who signed that open letter? I, too, would be annoyed if people who couldn’t handle your life for a day started telling you what to do.

Put narcotics into all of my songs

And that’s why you’re still singing along …

Even if they’re hating on her relationship, they’re still streaming and she’s still a billionaire.

Who’s it about?
Her haters, technically. It hints at her Healy romance, but we’ll give it to her critics.

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

What do the lyrics say?

The smoke cloud billows out his mouth

like a freight train through a small town

The jokes that he told across the bar

Were revolting and far too loud

Healy smokes and jokes, both bad.

They shake their heads

Saying, “God help her” when I

Tell ‘em he’s my man

But your good Lord doesn’t need to

lift a finger, I can fix him

She has no regrets about Healy.

Good boy, that’s right

Come close, I’ll show you heaven

He’s a golden retriever, remember?

Who’s it about?
She wants to fix Healy’s relationship with the public, so he gets this one.

12. LOML

What do the lyrics say?

Who’s gonna stop us from waltzing

Back into rekindled flames

If we know the steps anyway

Okay, this seems like it could be both about guys. Swift and Alwyn reportedly “had rough patches,” this could be about Swift considering going back to him at some point. As for Healy, the rekindled flames could be similar to “Fresh Out the Slammer.”

You and I go from one kiss to gettin married

Still alive killing time at the cemetery,

Never quite buried

In your suit and tie, in the nick of time

Did Healy promise her marriage after a love drought?

You cinephile in black and white

All those plot twists and dynamite

Mr. Steal Your Girl, then make her cry

You said I’m the love of your life

Healy theoretically stole Alwyn’s girl and then broke up with her. Sad!

Who’s it about?
Sounds like Healy was, at one point, the love of her life.

13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

What do the lyrics say?

He said he’d love me all his life

But that life was too short

Breaking down I hit the floor

Throughout the beginning of the Eras Tour, Swift was dealing with her breakup from Alwyn.

I’m so obsessed with him, but he avoids me

Like the plague

Again, Alwyn never seemed to want to talk about Swift or attend her events.

I can hold my breath

I’ve been doing it since he left

I keep finding his things in drawers

Crucial evidence I didn’t imagine the whole thing

I’m sure I can pass this test

They lived together for most of the six years — that’s a lot of things to find in drawers.

Who’s it about?
Grab a donut, it’s a cup of Joe.

14. Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

What do the lyrics say?

Gazing at me, starry-eyed

In your Jehovah’s witness suit

Matty wears a Jehovah’s Witness–ass suit onstage, ’nough said.

If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal

And I don’t miss what we had

Healy and Swift dated in the summer, from April to June 2023.

And you’ll confess what you did

And I’ll say “Good riddance”

’Cause it wasn’t sexy once it wasn’t forbidden

Maybe Healy was only interested in Swift because she was in a relationship with Alwyn, so once she was free, the chase was gone.

You crashed my party and your rental car

You said normal girls were “boring”

But you were gone by the morning

You kicked out the stage lights

But you’re still performing

And in plain sight you hid

But you are what you did

Healy was caught examining his car in West Hollywood in July 2023, a month after the breakup. Plus, attempting to rizz someone up by telling them they’re so much better than everyone else is extremely Healy behavior. He’s probably broken a stage light or two.

Who’s it about?
Oh, God. How many of these songs are about Matty?

15. The Alchemy

What do the lyrics say?

So when I touch down

Call the amateurs and

Cut ‘em from the team

Ditch the clowns, get the crown baby

A track about Travis Kelce this early? I’m just as surprised as you are.

’Cause the sign on your heart said it’s still reserved for me

Kelce has always been upfront about his crush with Swift. He told New Heights listeners that he made a bracelet with his phone number on it to give to her.

Hey you, what if I told you we’re cool?

That child’s play back in school

Is forgiven under my rule

Kelce had a rough college experience; his immaturity almost cost him a Super Bowl–winning NFL career. But Swift forgives is forgiving his past behavior because #love.

These blokes warm the benches

Most of her exes in the past decade were from across the pond, reminding Kelce she’s all-American now.

Shirts off, and your friends lift you up over their heads

Beer sticking to the floor

Cheers chanted ’cause they said

There was no chance, trying to be

The greatest in the league

Where’s the trophy?

He just comes running over to me

So happy her Travvy made it to the big game. The Kansas City Chiefs won the Super Bowl, but Swift knows she’s the real prize.

Who’s it about?
Kelce, baby!

16. Clara Bow

What do the lyrics say?

“No one in my small town thought

I’d see the lights of Manhattan

This town is fake but

You’re the real thing

Breath of fresh air through smoke rings

Take the glory give everything

Promise to be dazzling”

Swift reflects on her own career and accomplishments from Pennsylvania to New York, baby.

You look like Taylor Swift in this light, we’re loving it

You’ve got edge she never did

The future’s bright, dazzling

Swift has grown out of comparisons to other artists in her career, she’s in her own league.

Who’s it about?
Herself. Cute!

17. The Black Dog

What do the lyrics say?

I am someone who, until recent events

You shared your secrets with

And your location

You forgot to turn it off

And so I watch as you walk

into some bar called The Black Dog

And pierce new holes in my heart

You forgot to turn it off

The Black Dog, a real bar in London, is famously where Alwyn lives. Maybe Scheana Shay and Swift have something in common, tracking their loved ones like Sims in their Find My Friends app.

When someone plays ‘The Starting Line’

and you jump up,

But she’s too young to know this song

Young-lady burn! The Starting Line shared a record label with Steel Train, one of Jack Antonoff’s bands.

You said I needed a brave man

Then proceeded to play him

Until I believed it too

Alwyn is a capital-A Actor, playing the role of everything Swift wanted.

For a cruel fraternity I pledged

Alwyn and his childhood friends call themselves “the Frosty Crew” — boy, he sure loves club names. Swift credited several photos in the reputation tour book and the Miss Americana documentary with “Frosty Club Photography.” She was probably an honorary member.

Six weeks of breathing clean air

I still miss the smoke

On Lover’s “Daylight,” Swift sings, “Clearin’ the air, I breathed in the smoke,” probably missing Alwyn despite their end.

Who’s it about? 

We are so back with an Alwyn track.

18. imgonnagetyouback

What do the lyrics say?

Whether I’m gonna be your wife or

Gonna smash up your bike

Swift might be referencing the 1975’s song “FallingForYou,” not only in the title format but also in the lyrics. “All we need is my bike and your enormous house / You said someday we might / When I’m closer to your height.” This was written one year before Healy and Swift officially met in 2014, but the shoes fit, even if it means Healy is still an inch shorter than Swift.

I’m an Aston Martin that you steered straight into the ditch

then ran and hid

Is this confirmation that Fernando Alonso fumbled the bag?

Say you got somebody I’ll say I got someone too

Another the 1975 reference to the song “Somebody Else”: “I don’t want your body / But I hate to think about you with somebody else”

Who’s it about? 

Her love of the 1975 but also Matty Healy.

19. The Albatross

What do the lyrics say?

Cautions issued, he stood

Shooting the messengers

They tried to warn him about her

Whenever Swift is single, people love making the overplayed joke about her writing songs about her exes, but don’t you think they all know this by now?

You couldn’t conceive it

You were sleeping soundly

when they dragged you from your bed

And I tried to warn you about them

Healy probably paid no attention to the backlash until the internet tallied up all the offensive things he’s said and done over the years.

Who’s it about? 

Healy scores once again. Sigh.

20. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

What do the lyrics say?

Hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named Chloe or Sam or

Sophia or Marcus

Healy famously loves to kiss people, whether it’s one of his fans, crew members, or his friend Phoebe Bridgers.

And you saw my bones out with

somebody new

Who seemed like he would’ve bullied you in school

And you just watched it happen

Healy would’ve 10,000 percent bullied Alwyn in high school. And Kelce would’ve bullied Healy. It’s as if her exes wouldn’t like each other or something.

You said some things that I can’t unabsorb

You turned me into an idea of sorts

You needed me but you needed drugs more

And I couldn’t watch it happen

Swift hinted at some potential love-bombing during her announcement of the album. She also possibly references Healy’s drug addiction in the following two lines.

Who’s it about? 

What do shoes with wheels and this song have in common? They’re both Healy’s. More importantly, who is Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus?

21. How Did It End?

What do the lyrics say?

We’ll tell no one except all of our friends

We must know

How did it end?

Okay, if we’re leaning into the belief that Swift and Alwyn broke up in February, but announced in April, then they had a few weeks to tell their friends about it. This timeline tracks.

Soon they’ll go home to their husbands

Smug cause they know they can trust him

Then feverishly calling their cousins

News must’ve spread slowly in Swift and Alwyn’s circles regarding their breakup until it got to Entertainment Tonight weeks later. An adult game of telephone.

Didn’t you hear they called it all off

Did they call off an engagement, wedding, or just a relationship? We may never know.

Who’s it about? 

This has Alwyn written all over it.

22. So High School

What do the lyrics say?

I’ll drink what you think and I’m high from smoking your jokes all

damn night

Smells like another Kelce track. Remember all of his resurfaced tweets?

I’m watching American Pie

With you on a Saturday night

Your friends are around, so be quiet

I’m trying to stifle my sighs

Swift has been spending a good amount of time with Kelce’s friends, both on and off the field. And American Pie is probably Kelce’s favorite movie. Release his Criterion Closet video!

Are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?

It’s just a game, but really

I’m betting on all three

In 2016, Kelce plays “Kiss, Marry, Kill” with AfterBuzz TV and chooses to smooch Swift. Aw!

You know how to ball

I know Aristotle

Travis = ball boy, Taylor = reader.

You knew what you wanted

And, boy, you got her

Again, Kelce was so unapologetically honest with how he wanted to date Swift, and now he’s got her — possibly for good.

Do that impression you did of your dad again

Hopefully, Ed Kelce’s local library got a shipment in of TTPD, because he just got his first mention. He is a lover of the library after all. “He’s probably saying, ‘I’ve taken all your CDs out at the local library, and I’ve burned them into my computer because that is legal as a tax-paying citizen,’” Jason Kelce joked on an episode of New Heights.

Who’s it about?
Kelce scored a Super Bowl win and the cutest song on the album.

23. I Hate It Here

What do the lyrics say?

All you’ll ever be is

My eternal consolation prize

Alwyn loves talking about how he’s such a private guy and in order for Swift to be with him, she had to be as well, making him her prize.

You see I was a debutant in another life but

Now I seem to be scared to go outside

Swift was afraid of leaving the house after the KimYe drama, but now she is staying home for different reasons. Maybe heartbreak?

Who’s it about?

Inconclusive. Yeah, there’s a line here about Alwyn, but it seems more about Swift being depressed about where she was at in her life when writing this song.

24. thanK you aIMee

What do the lyrics say?

And I can’t forgive the way you made me feel

Screamed, ‘fucK you aIMee’ to the night sky

as the blood was gushing

The old Taylor can actually answer the phone because she’s capitalizing letters in her song lyrics again, and this one spelling “Kim,” as in North West’s mom.

Who’s it about?

Kim Kardashian.

25. I Look in People’s Windows

What do the lyrics say?

What are the chances you’d be downtown

Downtown, downtown

Does it feel alright to not know me?

I’m addicted to the ‘if only’

Honestly, this song could be about anyone. Whenever you’re in an ex’s town, it’s hard not to wonder, What if I saw them?

Who’s it about?

Inconclusive; not detailed enough to hit the Matty or Joe bin.

26. The Prophecy

What do the lyrics say?

Please

I’ve been on my knees

Change the prophecy

Don’t want money

Just someone who wants my company

She’s begging for her situationship Matty Healy whereas in most of the Alwyn songs. she seems to accept the breakup.

Who’s it about?
Matty Healy takes one more.

27. Cassandra

What do the lyrics say?

So they killed Cassandra first

Cause she feared the worst

And tried to tell the town

So they filled my cell with snakes

In Greek mythology, Cassandra was cursed to utter true prophecies only for no one to believe her. Swift tried warning people about Kim Kardashian.

Who’s it about?
Herself but also Kim Kardashian.

28. Peter

What do the lyrics say?

You said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

A Peter Pan metaphor never gets old. A man promises to find her once they’re older, and he does but quickly leaves.

Who’s it about?
Matty Healy.

29. The Bolter

What do the lyrics say?

“Oh, we must stop meeting like this”

But it always ends up with a town car speeding

Out the drive one evening

Ended with the slam of a door

Swift loooooves a getaway car, and she and Healy shared plenty.

Who’s it about?
Matthew. Timothy. Healy.

30. Robin

What do the lyrics say?

You got the dragonflies above your bed

You have a favorite spot on the swing set

You have no room in your dreams for regrets

You have no idea

The time will arrive for the cruel and

the mean

You’ll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline

This song has the same vibe as Speak Now’s “Never Grow Up.” Swift is a young muse to continue being imaginative. Robin could allude to Winnie-the-Pooh’s Christopher Robin.

Who’s it about?

This was co-written by Aaron Dessner, so there is a good chance it was written for his son, also named Robin.

31. The Manuscript

What do the lyrics say?

Now and then she re-reads the manuscript

Of the entire torrid affair

Is Swift done with Jake Gyllenhaal? While discussing the All Too Well short film with director Mike Mills at the Tribeca Film Festival, she revealed that she wrote manuscripts for all of her directed projects.

In the age of him she wished she was thirty

And made coffee every morning in a French press

Gyllenhaal and Swift had a notable age gap, as I’m sure you’ve heard.

Who’s it about?

Jake Gyllenhaal — or at least the making of the All Too Well short film.

So, who is The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology mostly about?

The scores are in: Jake Gyllenhaal, Baby Dessner (Robin), and Taylor Swift’s haters are tied for one song each. For fifth place, songs about Swift herself and Kim Kardashian are both at 1.5 (they share custody on “Cassandra”). Travis Kelce gets two whole songs all to himself. Spot No. 3 goes to … inconclusive. No, really — it’s for songs that are probably not about anyone in particular.

Second place goes to Swift’s longtime boyfriend Joe Alwyn. He earned seven songs, which is kind of insulting considering he had full albums about how much she loved him. And in first place, you all love to hate him; it’s tortured poet Matty Healy coming in with 13 songs inspired by their three-month-long romance. And who says she isn’t relatable?

Related

• 132 Gut Reactions to Every Track on Taylor Swift’s Double Album
• Who’s In? Who’s Out? An Exhaustive Timeline of Taylor Swift’s Squad.
• Taylor Swift Starts Reputation (Taylor’s Version) Early

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Alejandra Gularte , 2024-04-20 01:05:39

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