The Power of Discretion After 60

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Valerie Monroe’s newsletter is How Not to F*ck Up Your Face, which you can subscribe to on Substack.

It’s pretty easy to explain the explosion of visible butt cracks we’re seeing lately in the world of fashion, on social media, and at certain kinds of high-profile events like the Met Gala: Barely there dresses are still, somehow, trending, and where nudity leads, butt cracks follow. While it has been suggested that showing off body parts not often seen outside the boudoir is a route to liberation and self-pleasure (my body, my right to show it!), it’d be hard to argue that it doesn’t also afford some pleasure to those of us just hanging around on the sidelines, too. What it all means — that’s for you and other people invested in the fashion industry to decide.

But there, in the midst of all those exposed body parts, stood Sarah Jessica Parker (who actually could not sit down in her heavily constructed, unrevealing birdcage of a dress) and Anna Wintour in her virginal, white satin Loewe crewneck gown and somewhat funereal black embroidered full-length overcoat — and didn’t they look nice? They know that, bottom line (so to speak), few want to see your butt crack past a certain age. (Tina Turner’s is one obvious exception.)

This contrast got me thinking in the usual roundabout way about the question I often get from readers of HNTFUYF about adjusting their style and their makeup as they’ve gotten older. Not that many of them are ever exposing their you-know, but they still find that what used to look right just doesn’t seem as attractive anymore. At 73, I’m also reassessing my presentation: no longer happy to be squeezed into a body-hugging dress, astonished at my former infatuation with staggeringly high heels, unwilling to hide under a mask of makeup.

About makeup, that useful bag of tricks: We wear it for fun, of course, but also to emphasize and imitate the appearance of robust health and reproductive vigor. A 20-, 30-, or 40-year-old woman with flushed cheeks, a mouth stained to look plump and bitable, and dark lashes that emphasize the whites of the eyes and the limbal ring around the iris (both indicators of good health and youth) is only flagging the attributes she already possesses. But once you’ve begun to lose those attributes at 50, or 60, or 70 you’re replacing them with makeup, not emphasizing them. The situation is a little like the difference between real flowers and fake ones. There are fake flowers so delicately made, so perfected, that you can’t tell they’re not real even when you touch them. But in that moment when you go in for a sniff and you realize you’ve been had: Disappointing, right? Maybe it even pisses you off a bit.

Why? Because we’re hardwired to detect what’s genuine in order to be able to evaluate trustworthiness (which may have been essential for survival at some point). When we sense we’ve been tricked, we feel uncomfortable. Think about the last time you looked at a woman whose face wasn’t quite right, either overly made-up or over-treated; what was the feeling underneath the curiosity or aversion? Was it, perhaps, distrust?

There’s a study that showed that makeup had a significant influence on reducing age perception — subjects were perceived around three years younger than their actual age — when applied judiciously. But when the makeup was dramatic or overdone, the result was a negative impression, making the women appear less likable and less trustworthy. In other words, discretion wins the day. If there’s a certain kind of power exhibited by the person who’s spunky enough to display the top of her bottom, for some of us, especially after d’un certain âge, a discreet presentation can be more persuasive.

Are you a 60-year-old woman who doesn’t care if she’s liked, appears untrustworthy, or generates a negative impression? I’m with you, do your thing. But if you enjoy making up your face and you’re interested in projecting an outside that feels more aligned with your insides, you might like this simple, minimalist routine from makeup artist Barbara Stone, which adds color and definition to exactly the right effect.

“Start with the one thing that you think has the most impact,” said Barb, “and add on from there according to how much time you have.”  Here are Barb’s suggestions in the usual order of operations.

Skin

“You have two ways to approach your skin, depending on preference,” she said. “You can apply tinted moisturizer over your entire face (I love Ilia Super Serum Skin Tint SPF 40) or just even out redness in specific areas, especially under the eyes (Jones Road Face Pencil was made for this).”

ILIA Super Serum Skin Tint SPF 40

$48 at Sephora

$48 at ILIA Beauty

Blush

“To add a flush of color, use a cream or gel, which both look more natural than powder, especially on mature skin,” said Barb. “A cream can be used on lips too. I’m a big fan of Milk Lip+Cheek in Rally (they have a bunch of other great shades). The trick with cream or gel blush? Don’t blend too vigorously — your cheeks will redden from the blending and when the irritation diminishes, you won’t be wearing enough blush.”

Milk Makeup Lip + Cheek

$24 at Sephora

$24 at Milk Makeup

Eyes

Go for a neutral eyeshadow that will camouflage redness, said Barb. She recommends a waterproof cream shadow that you can swipe on quickly and that blends in seconds, like the Bobbi Brown Long Wear Cream Shadow Stick. MAC’s Pro Longwear Paint Pot is terrific too, but if you prefer a powder shadow, take a look at the Urban Decay Naked2 (matte) and Naked3 (shimmer) mini palettes. A single swipe over your lid and the job’s done.

The quickest eyeliner is a dark eyeshadow applied with a thin brush, snuggled into the roots of your lashes. Any smoky shade will do the trick: brown, charcoal, black, forest green, or navy. The angled brush is the key here.

You want a no-clump, long-lasting mascara in this situation, which means one like Clinique Lash Power Long Wearing Formula.  Brows? A gel quickly gets them in line.

Bobbi Brown Long-Wear Cream Shadow Stick

$33 at Nordstrom

$33 at Ulta Beauty

Lips

Last, for a clean-looking swipe-and-go lip, a sheer bullet or tinted balm is your best bet. Barb’s forever favorite is Nars Afterglow Lip Balm.  Or try another easy no-mirror-needed option: Ilia Hydrating Lip Balm.

ILIA Balmy Tint Hydrating Lip Balm

$28 at ILIA Beauty

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Valerie Monroe , 2024-05-17 22:01:36

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